Tesco Vee - The Very Name Strikes Fear in the Hearts of God Fearing Fucks All Over the World.

Born into a strict Christian reformed background, TV has spent most of his adult  life rebelling against societal norms, organized religion, and the French. From humble punk rock beginnings in East Lansing in 1979, THE MEATMEN  rose to heavy duty heights in the 80's and 90's before cashing in their dubloons in 1996.  Now on the eve of the re-emergence of the Dutch Hercules and his all new band of meat, we will retrace the origins of TV and the various lineups of losers who have swam in his wake all these decades.

Though TV bristles at the 'joke band' tag it can certainly be said that humor drives this hellbound train, and is the backbone of what both inspired him to start and band and now get the ball rolling once again. The source of the bands name came from TV and Dave Stimsons friendly burping games on their way to the punk shows in Detroit..DS would burp and TV would pause, gently take a pull at the regurgitated air and speculate 'Prime Rim Au Jus and horsradish sauce?'   Yes! DS would proudly exclaim..He became the Meatman and the rest was history.   Tesco.found  players from his high school for bass and guitar and the mysterious 'Mr X' was aked to beat the skins... The boys all met in the 3rd floor attic appt in East Lansing where  all the early stuff was born.

One Friday nite the boys picked up a case of 6% Canadian swill and set about writing what would be many of the early classics like 'Tooling For Anus, Dumping Ground, Mr Tapeworm, Orgy Of One etc..gigs were sporadic and happened at places like Bunches Cafe, MSU Case Hall, and other 1 and done locales. Their first official gig was at the Coronation tavern in Windsor Ontario. The bartender was an old bag who was wacking the regulars with a frying pan when they got outa line..the traps were all missing from the urinals so you just pissed on your shoes..The Necros got snotty with the border  guards and were turned away...From this inauspicious debut the band went on to play shows around Michigan with the Misfits, Minor Threat, Fear, Dead Kennedys, The Fix, Necros, Negative Approach etc..The Midwest scene was only a couple hundred kids strong but they were a devoted bunch who faithfully attended every show. Touch and Go Records was started by TV to showcase the Midwest Bands and he put out the first Necros and Fix records in very limited quantities.

The Process Of Elimination EP that featured a bunch of Midwest hardcore bands spawned a small 3 show East Coast swing that included shows at  the Gallery East in Boston, the Mudd Club in NYC and some shithole in Maryland. The Meatmen, NA and the Necros all played. It was this tour that inspired Tesco to move to DC to escape Michigans' bogus economy. He was drawn to the vibrant music scene in the nations capital with bands like SOA, Minor Threat GI, Youth Brigade and Black market Baby..Written off by the inbred DC scensters as a joke band, TV managed to put a Meatkrew comprising some of the biggest names in the scenee, Lyle Preslar, Brian Baker, Bert Quieroz, Rich Moore, and Ian MacKaye..

The Dutch Hercules EP came out in 1984 and became an instant cult classic with some future classics making their debuts like Lesbian Death Dirge, Gods Bullies and Wine Wenches and Wheels along with the marathon goof on Go Go Music 'Crappers Delight'..Original guitarist came east from Michigan as Tesco attempted to put the Meatmen back together, but he skipped town with only a 'sorry' note left on TV's kitchen table..

Undaunted Vee set out to put together the best Meatmen he could as they headed off in heavier directions with 1985's War of The Superbikes, a deal that to this day the band looks back on in ANGER. Barry Tennenbaum / Gerard Cosloy  and Dutch East India/Homestead ripped them off for major buckage.. probably 6 figures over the years..Touch and Go had put out all the earlier stuff but Corey Rusk wanted nothing to do with the more hard rockin Superbikes' The LP went on to sell a gazillion copies, got great reviews in Spin and the like and featured Minor Threat alums Brian  and Lyle along with Graham Mculloch bassist from Negative Approach. Brian eventually tired of wearing ballerina costumes and evening gowns onstage and split to join Dag Nasty with one of punks' all time good guys -singer Dave Smalley. He was replaced by James Cooper who was an adequate stand in but no Brian Baker.

In 1986 'Rock & Roll Juggernaut' lost them some more fans but gained them many others...This was to be their crowning attempt at lampooning 80's heavy rock, and they were accused by some at trying to BE a heavy metal band...POPPYCOCK!  They were just havin fun pullin chains, and stickin the ice pick in sensibilities, same as always, only riding a bigger hog for this trip.  Caroline wanted to do a video for 'Centurions Of Rome' and the band flew to LA to film one of the worst videos of all time!  The crew showed up with videocams, not film, none of the extras showed up for the live scenes, a big fiasco!  The band calls this vid a '$20,000 slap in the face'  a staggering sum for something so wretched..eventually an edited version surfaced but was still abysmal...

In 1989 the guys felt the whole Meatmen Showband and Revue had run its course and packed in the 80's Meatmen with their 'Live'LP 'We;re The Meatmen And You Still Suck' which featured 'Live' versions of old and newer tunes in raved up renditions...Preslar and Vee attempted to put a new band togeether 'Vee-Max' but that was shortlived and the 2 buds parted ways ..

In 1991 Vee lusted for a side project to peddle some more vitriol and it would indeed be a struggle..Tesco Vee's Hate Police  fulfilled a need to hit the circuit while shedding the Meatmen moniker for a bit..He managed to find a couple gems in a steady stream of losers and the lineup was finally solidified in 1992 with Keith'Iron Lung' Campell on guitar who was in the legendary DC alcohol sodden quartet Black Market Baby, Scott Thorson on bass who played in Factory and other DC bands and young stoner boy Neil Ekberg beating the tubs..in the Meatmen tradition they toured a bunch and released a CD on Staplegun records and a bunch of 7”..TV eventually grew weary of certain member's alcohol consumption that adversly impacted a number of gigs and took another break..

Cut to 1994 and Tesco again got the itch to re-stoke the still smoldering Meatmen pyre and heard tell of 3 heavy metal goons who ruled the Tiki Fala, in Dumfires VA..yes from this white trash shithole would come his mightiest line-up to date..the trio's band Sinister Grin made a living banging out  heavy cover tunes and Vee knew he had the latest and greatest ready made line up. Stormin Norman Voss on axe, Mark 'Wilma' Davis on bass and Rob San Pietro 'The Machine' on drums. TV wanted to do an old school punk record and he and the boys dug up some old Meat tunes and some old Cosmic Slop tunes, a band the 3 backup members had, and recorded 'Toilet Slave'.in  a limited edition of only 2,000 copies on Tesco's Meat King Records..Throughout 1994 and 1995 the band hit it hard touring the states with GWAR, Butt Trumpet, Brutal Juice, Wicker Man and many others. In 1995 the band recorded an album of mellow love ballads entitled 'Pope On A Rope' again on TV's Meat King..By 1996 it was again time to shut it down and Vee would then go on his decade long hiatus...In 1999 Vee packed up the family and left Wash DC as he heard tell the fuckin Republicans were coming, and headed back to the great state of Michigan. 17 years in the shithole that is our nations capitol was more than enough.

Cut to 2007 and alas the Dutch Hercules crawled out from 10 years of travelling the globe, harvesting Opium in Cambodia, stalking Agnetha from Abba all over Sweden, collecting toys, riding large bore Japanese sport bikes.

So hide your virgins, stock up on ear plugs and lock the gun case cuz Spring 2008 will see the re-birth of  real HATE ROCK. The Meatmen are back...fuck ya!

Doug Wood 2007